This whole party got started the Friday before on a day of running errands. We left our house at 8:30 to get to Mass and then went to two stores and the library because we were preparing for our upcoming camping trip in Erie, PA. Remember the camping? It didn't happen because newborns and camping don't mix well.
The kids and I are pulling into a parking space at Whole Foods when my phone starts ringing and I notice the caller id is only showing the area code which is how the calls from the county come in. This always makes my heart beat faster because you just never know what these calls will bring. They had a baby girl still in the hospital that was being discharged tomorrow and they wanted to know if we were interested. Um, yes!! She didn't have a lot of information so she said she would call me back. Little did I know it would be the exact time I'm carrying an irate Nash screaming from having to abandon the little cart he was pushing for reckless behavior in the cracker aisle. We were in search of the GF graham crackers for s'mores. After many back and forths and questions and calling Mark we decided this was go time.
The social worker wanted me to go to the hospital to make sure I could feed her before she was discharged the next day. My mom came over to put the kids to bed so I went to the same hospital where Nash was born to see this little bundle. She was swaddled up tightly in the Special Care nursery where she was being treated for the last two weeks. My heart almost melted into a puddle when my eyes beheld this most precious, 6 lb. baby. I couldn't believe that her parents weren't going to be able to take her home. It was really hard to comprehend and so sad, but then the excitement and nervousness that we get her at our house was almost too much. I held her for about an hour and fed her without any problems so I went home with my mind racing.
What did we need? It was too late to get anything but formula and more diapers at Kroger so the handful of onsies would have to do until Sunday when Mark got back home. As I was getting ready for bed I remember thinking that THIS was my last night of sleep for a while. That started messing with my mind because typically you have long months of being fat and uncomfortable and not sleeping well so the thought of the baby actually coming out and not kicking you while you sleep is a relief. I started to lose it and then realized the problem was that I was on overload and needed to sleep now, whether it was my last full night's sleep or not.
We've had a crib set up and changing table/dresser since the beginning of the year so there wasn't that much to but wait for her to be dropped off. The social worker dropped her off with some supplies from the hospital and I signed a few pieces of paper. Then the lady left. Yes, she left me with this gorgeous, tiny baby to take care of...just like that. No fertility charts or morning sickness no OB appointments or maternity clothes. Just a baby, here in our house.
Ellie was so chill all that day and then Mark returned home around 1 AM to a baby that was a wake and crying. I ended up sleeping with her on me on the couch so that I could get a little sleep. In the morning I went to Mass with her at 9 AM and then Mark took the other kids to 10:30 to a Latin Mass ( a previously planned arrangement that involved other people so he felt like he couldn't cancel). I was so tired and so grateful to God for this opportunity that I was teary eyed most of the Mass.
That afternoon when Mark got back home, I had to go out to buy her clothes with the voucher the county gave us. $100 that has to be spent all at once, at one store. There were only a few choices, but one of my favorite consignment stores was on the list so I headed there. Now, I love this store. I love the browsing and finding, but on this day with 3-4 hours of sleep collected, the pressure of getting all that I needed for the next few months, loud music and quite a few people, I almost lost it right there in the aisle. I didn't want to cry there so I left my cart and went to the car. I was praying and decided to call a very practical friend who talked me down from the ledge. After the pep talk, I was able to get back in the game and I got what I needed now and some for when the weather got cooler. At the register I was explaining to the clerk that I had a voucher and that I did not keep track of how much I spent so I may end up having to pick and choose and put stuff back. I should not have been surprised when the total rang up $97. God is so good! I ended up grabbing 3 more onesies for a grand total of $99.50.
With God's perfect timing Mark was off the next 4 days while we hunkered down to weather this storm. She has certain issues that made these first days extra fussy and challenging. Severe diaper rash is par for the coarse with kiddos like Ellie so we were having to rinse her bum under running water because wiping her would have caused her to bleed. The sticky situation in all this is that crying made her poop and poop makes her cry. Changing her diaper also makes her wail so it was a crazy cycle of crying and pooping. We were hanging on by the white of our knuckles and I prayed my way through those rough days and nights with us literally holding her almost around the clock. Thankfully I have my wrap which is her happy place so that helped me out tremendously. Mark and I took shifts in the night ( and still do!) , he the early shift while I slept and then I get the 3 AM to making breakfast for the kids.
When Mark had to head back to work I was a little nervous how this would all go down. By Divine Intervention that next morning I'm trying to get myself and the kids ready for Mass (for the Feast of the Assumption of Mary) and I put Ellie down in this glider thing a friend let us borrow. I had her swaddled and the thing gliding, but she was only happy for about a minute before she starts crying...again. I scrambled around because I HAD to get things done so we could be on time and so I thought she'd just have to cry for 2 minutes, but she'll live. Low and behold after those two minutes, she put herself to sleep! It was seriously a game changer and I was able to manage the weekend with Mark gone just fine simply by allowing her to fuss her self to sleep when need be. Luckily, it took only a minute each time. It has been the gift that keeps on giving!!
Now more than two weeks later, things have settled into a nice routine. When Mark is home he sometimes let's me sleep all night depending on how well rested he feels after his trip. Ellie sleeps a lot in the glider which frees us up to do other things. The one thing is different is that I am home so much more. I keep my errands to a minimum which is perfect because school has begun. More on that in a minute.
Ellie has twice a week visits with her parents for two hours each. I drop her off at a farmhouse the county has specifically for foster kids and their visits with their families. It's a sweet place about 8 miles from our home so it's not too taxing to take her and pick her up. Below is part of an email I wrote to a friend who is also a foster parent in the county about Ellie's visits with her parents...
"I talked with the birth parents today and they are so sweet. After an initial awkward intro on Tuesday, today we had a teary heart to heart in the parking lot as we were leaving. They love her so, so much and really want to do the best they can for her. I was unprepared for the heartbreak of driving away with a well loved baby as the parents mourn the loss of time they get to spend with her. It literally makes me cry for them. I told them today that we were praying for them and that we hope they get some rest and get well soon. I told them that their babe is beautiful and that we are happy to have her while they get well. I can see in their eyes the desire to be good parents and I hope and believe that they will be able to get her back. It's all quite different than I expected. I suppose if they were messing up and turned out to be the loser type it would be easy to pine for Ellie to be ours. It is clear that this baby has a place in their lives and hearts and I pray sincerely that they will get to shower her with love 24/7. She is a beautiful baby, but I think it's quite clear that she will have a special, permanent place in her family and not ours. I would love to keep her, but that day dream has lot its appeal after talking with them today. The longing in their eyes as they grabbed one last glimpse of her in my car was enough to convince me of God's plan in all this. It will be beautiful thing to be a part of none the less no matter what happens."
As I understand there tends to be a "honeymoon" period with the parents so it really is too soon to tell if they are committed to working their plan to get Ellie back for the long haul. We would adopt her if that were an option a ways down the road. We probably will at least have her until spring even if they do everything perfectly. If not and she were available for adoption it could be a year and a half or more before that would even take place. Really in all this we are so glad for the opportunity to love Ellie. Luke said recently, "She's so cute! I can't stop looking at her!" I feel so blessed to have a baby again, even though that means waking up in the night.
Brooke wanted to begin school this week because the neighbor that goes to public school started and so I said, "Let's do it!". I figured we might as well strike while the iron is hot. Ellie is not as much of a problem as Nash. "I want to do MY math!!!" Oh, brother, he's painful! Brooke has been doing very well at home this summer and so I am feeling so grateful to God for this opportunity to be together again. She's an independent student as she does her math lessons with a CD-Rom and checks her own work with answer keys. There is some that she'll need help with in the near future (Latin), but she's off to a great start.
On Tuesday, September 2nd, Nash gets his eyes dilated and checked (because he's cross eyed) and Stella's getting tubes. Yes, all in the same day thanks to the help of my mom and Mark being home! Stella hasn't been able to hear well lately and she kept saying she couldn't hear the TV. We noticed too that we were YELLING at her all the time and getting very frustrated. Two years ago we switched her to almond milk for her tonsils and ears and then we got lazy about yogurt and ice cream. We are cutting those two fluid producing/tonsil enlarging foods out and going with the tubes. The doctor said Stella has a really great immune system for not having reoccurring ear infections which she's only had one or two in her life. Hopefully, this poor girl will get some relief and we can stop shouting at her.
I took Ellie to the doctor today for a check up. She gained a whole pound in 10 days! That is good because she's so small the car seat straps aren't tight enough.
I can't post pictures of Ellie (that you can actually see her) for privacy purposes, but I think you can see our world is upside down in the most wonderful way. She is far from easy going (the crying and the sleepless nights!), but over time I think she'll settle down and reward our efforts with beautiful baby smiles.
Brooke has learned to cut the grass this summer. Mark gets it started and then does the edging and blowing, but she cuts the entire front and back by herself! I'm so impressed by her skills. She has really matured this summer in so many ways.
Ellie enjoying some afternoon sunlight and some tummy time. Maybe you can tell that the windows are wet, but what you can't see are the kids outside playing in the kiddie pool on the deck.
Brooke checking her work from her English for Young Catholics 4. She is impressing the heck out of me these days and I can't help but wonder if her year at school isn't a huge contributor to her work ethic. Or rather the fact that she knows what's expected and that when she's finished, she's finished. :)
Even though I'm sleep deprived and busier than ever, I feel peaceful, joyful and thankful. I'm happy we have a baby to love on, that we are all together, and things are off to a good start with our school year. May God be praised!! Check back next month to see if I haven't check myself into a loony bin. :)
