It's not so much a disaster as a 2nd degree tragedy I've been living this past month. I say 2nd degree not because it's not intense, but rather because I'm not living in first hand. Let me sort of explain... A dear friend and her family got news on December 30th that would change their life FOREVER. At the risk of sounding morbid and unfeeling, a death would have been so much more simple with perhaps a tidier ending, one that would have an acceptable ceremony to mourn the loss. But no, some things are not so clear cut and straightforward.
I'm sorry for speaking in code, but this story isn't mine to tell and the only part that is mine is the grief that is my own watching a loved one slip in and out of darkness with people all around whispering things about hope, redemption, this pain is your path to holiness and He works for the good of those that love HIM. If one needed a blood transfusion I could spare a bag or two of my own, but what happens when it's a sickness of the soul? If only I could bottle my faith born out of my own experiences and hook her up to a pump so that she could know that everything will work out one way or another, that I would be happy to do. She could know that God has this all worked out even if it's not the way she planned. Unfortunately, that's not the way it works, we have to make our own way in this world and surrender our own will to HIS. But if I was capable of taking away some pain, it would feel better and it would be something physical to do while waiting for things to be decided, waiting for a new normal to take root.
It sounds so selfish to say that someone's pain could produce a peaceful clarity with an entirely new set of goals. On December 29th (The feast of the Holy Family), my friend and I had a prophetic conversation about bringing up holy families of our own and the areas that could use some shoring up. The funny thing about a tragedy is that underneath the pain and ugliness is a silver lining of opportunity, the opportunity to take stock and make changes, to decide what is truly important and what is worth our time. Oh, the Christmas letter so carefully crafted detailing our plans for 2014 seems but a distant memory now that everything has changed.
One thing that couldn't be any clearer is that Mark and I both want to be more present for and with our children. No more hurrying about to accomplish more in less time. No more hurrying through the school work to get to more "important" things. There's no more curriculum being written because it's something that's not worth my precious time anymore. I can spend time creating the "perfect" curriculum or I can spend time actually doing a good enough curriculum, just being with my children.
In 2015 there will be no more directing of home school groups either. Catholic Schoolhouse was not meeting the goals I imagined and so next year, that's not on the agenda at all. I've learned enough about classical education to be able to discern for my family what information is worthwhile to memorize and that which is not. I'm not looking for a group, I'm looking for a small community of home schooling friends that live geographically close to our family. I'm looking for less responsibility and more time with less to do. This is going to be a good year!
Over Christmas break, which we spent all of 4 out of 16 days together as a family, it was clearly determined that school isn't in our long term plans for Brooke or any of our kids. Mark's work schedule is the opposite of Brooke's school schedule. Mark leaves for work on the weekend before Brooke comes home on Friday afternoon and then he returns Monday morning when Brooke is back in the classroom. This is not a sustainable plan. It all feels normal when we're home alone on the weekend without Mark, but when he comes home and Brooke it gone, it's heart wrenching.
Brooke is doing so much better on medication that she herself said that school is good, but she's ready to come back home. That confession was an answer to prayer and so we are looking forward to our family being reunited once again without demands on our family's unconventional schedule.
This second degree tragedy has made me want to gather my people around and pull up the drawbridge and just be together. I've been doing a lot of reading and one of the topics I've been reading up on is unschooling and variations of the sort. It's very intriguing. More on that another day. :)
This second degree tragedy has made me want to gather my people around and pull up the drawbridge and just be together. I've been doing a lot of reading and one of the topics I've been reading up on is unschooling and variations of the sort. It's very intriguing. More on that another day. :)
We are still waiting for one piece of paperwork to complete the requirements to foster. Come on Kentucky, get your act together! Our social worker has assured us that this will all be settled by our one year deadline of March 1st. God has perfect timing, so we're excited, but not fretting.
We are also waiting for winter to return to "normal". Right now it's -2 degrees and we've had to cancel the last two weeks of Catholic Schoolhouse due to snow and sub zero temperatures. Mark said he heard on the radio that we are 18 inches above normal in snowfall for this time of year. When it finally warms up to 32 degrees we will feel like spring is right around the corner. We've been playing countless games of Sorry!,watching oodles of movies, reading loads of books and playing hours of iPad games. We're short on fresh air, but not willing to risk frostbite to get some.
I'm not so big on resolutions, but there are some things that we are focusing on that I think you should be too. One is cultivating an awareness that the enemy is out there prowling around seeking the ruin of souls. While we are "sleeping" he is counting on us resting in relative comfort, lowering our defenses so as not to guard our eyes, ears and hearts from evil things which involves being vigilant to protect not only our children from evil, but our hearts as well.
It has been documented that certain saints were so holy that Satan had to physically attach them. St. Padre Pio comes to mind. He doesn't have to be so crafty with most of us because we consent to watching and listening to things that desensitize us to evil. Those seemingly "innocent" opportunities for entertainment might just be opening the door for the destruction of our families. I can't tell you why I know this, you're just going to have to trust me on this one.
It has been documented that certain saints were so holy that Satan had to physically attach them. St. Padre Pio comes to mind. He doesn't have to be so crafty with most of us because we consent to watching and listening to things that desensitize us to evil. Those seemingly "innocent" opportunities for entertainment might just be opening the door for the destruction of our families. I can't tell you why I know this, you're just going to have to trust me on this one.
Mark and I are also going to make 2014 the year of at least 24 dates. A sitter is scheduled to come twice a month so that we can make sure we are connecting together without the kids, making our marriage a priority. That will exponentially increase our dates from last year!
Stella's one nap for 2014.
Luke caught some stomach bug which lasted for 3 days. By the grace of God, none of the rest of us got sick. Here we were enjoying a rare day when we were all together thanks to a snow day.
Luke requested that I take a picture of his train track before he cleaned it up. This thing was so mammoth that I could hardly capture the whole thing in a single picture. It's a good thing he has the biggest room of all the kids.
Do you remember my 1500 pictures that "just" needed albums? I did it! And on top of that we used some Christmas money from my parents to buy this handy little shelf at IKEA to display them. The best $70 every spent! Additionally, we now have an iPod charging station and a place for our 100 library books. Best.thing.ever. Next I'm working on getting an inexpensive carpet remnant to bind into a rug for the living room. I don't want another baby in this house who has to be banished to the carpeted dining room or school room. I'll let you know how that goes. :)
A few weeks ago I checked out a kids sewing book called Sewing School from the library. I am not a sewer so this kids book was the perfect thing for us sewing wannabes. We made an early Saturday morning trip to Hobby Lobby for a few supplies. I let the kids pick out 1/2 yard of the fabric of their choice. Luke chose plain yellow fleece, Stella a flannel kitty cat kind, Brooke a fleece sheep fabric and Nash, Thomas. It's all Thomas, all day, everyday.
Brooke and Luke made round pillows.
Stella and I made this stuffed animal and Nash thankfully was sleeping.
The wind! Oh, the wind!
We went to the park last weekend while Mark was working and on our way into the park the van slid right into a little snow bank and we got stuck. By the time I realized we were really stuck, a sweet family pulled up along side us and the dad helped us get unstuck. It was quite the adventure.
Luke's been enjoying shoveling the driveway. I enjoy him shoveling too.
Another snow day! If it weren't for the snow days we've had each week since the beginning of the year, we would never be all together. I can't wait for school to be over!!
Nash is obsessed with watching Thomas, AKA "the really useful engine". His favorite is "Day of the Diesels" and thanks to Netflix, we can watch it every.single.day.
Last year for his second birthday we got Nash a new Skuut bike, but he was too little to ride it. He is the perfect size now and after bringing it upstairs two weeks ago, he can ride it really well. He's going to have so much fun when the weather warms and he can ride it outside. He'll need a helmet then, but I'm sure he'll be happy to comply since that would make him just like the big kids.
Nash has been talking so much lately. I love it when he says, "I just joking, Mom!". He's a booger. This booger has been waking up around 6 AM every day. My plan of getting up at 6:30 and having a quite hour to myself is just a pipe dream. No matter what time we put him to bed, he still gets up early. The only benefit is that he's taken a daily nap for almost 3 straight weeks. That's starting to taper back off so I'm ready for him to sleep in past 7 again. More than ready.
I hope you are off to a holy start in this new year!
“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” John 16:33
Nash has been talking so much lately. I love it when he says, "I just joking, Mom!". He's a booger. This booger has been waking up around 6 AM every day. My plan of getting up at 6:30 and having a quite hour to myself is just a pipe dream. No matter what time we put him to bed, he still gets up early. The only benefit is that he's taken a daily nap for almost 3 straight weeks. That's starting to taper back off so I'm ready for him to sleep in past 7 again. More than ready.
I hope you are off to a holy start in this new year!
“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” John 16:33
