Brooke was off to school two weeks ago and she LOVES it. It's all a new experience for her and everyday seems to give way to something else exciting. She loves the electives....art, music, gym, and Spanish. She also loves the prayer time that the rest of the day is built around. Having two recesses probably also helps a lot. She had a hard time adjusting to lunch at 11:30 and then just laughs that the class has snack at 9:30 AM. Our protein eating girl skips snack and has a very light lunch and is otherwise adjusting well to the new routine and her awesome teacher, Mr. Roalef.
Despite the fact that school is so fabulous, our home life is not. Tonight is the first night in the last two weeks she hasn't had a complete meltdown when she gets home from school. Our day seemed very normal which is a total luxury these days. I've also noticed that Brooke's general anxiety has shot through the roof lately too. Now she won't even eat crunchy foods for fear of it scratching her throat. I've also come to realize that she is waking up all night long for fear of having a bad dream. She's sleeping lighter than a soldier sleeping in war zone. I think all these sleepless nights might be contributing to the meltdowns/tantrums. When I say she's lost it, I mean we have a few holes in our walls. Seriously.
Last week was a doozie and we ended up making an appointment with a psychiatrist and are trying the medication route. You know from reading my blog how that was a last of last resort, but this situation got very serious, very quickly. As the pediatrician pointed out, the benefits of her being on medication far outweigh the risks at this point. Just like with school, I am learning to let go of the way I thought things should go and turn them over to the Lord. Brooke told me that her worries keep her from having fun and she hopes that taking medication will help her worries to go away and her behavior at home improve.
As for now, Brooke is sleeping on a sleeping bag in my bedroom so that she might sleep more soundly. It's not a long term solution, but I'm gathering some information to take to the doctor with me. My prayer is that we'll find one quickly to help her function normally at home.
I took Brooke to see a psychiatrist today. She is a lovely Indian woman (dot not feather, Christa) who was very compassionate. She listened and then said that she'd like to do some comprehensive tests to be well, comprehensive. :) Her initial assessment is that Brooke is very anxious and therefore home is the only place she feels safe and lets all her pent up emotions out. We picked up the third medication in one weeks time to try. The doctor said that Brooke likely will need to be medicated indefinitely. I gulp and try not to cry because she's listing all the possible side effects knowing that we've tried everything else and Brooke is not able to live in the happy, joyful moments of life because something isn't right. The appointments feel endless and daunting and time consuming. Our very healthy family hasn't ever had to see the doctor for more than an annual check up or a random case of Strep. I feel for those families with chronic illness that keep them in and out of doctor's offices and hospitals.
On the lighter side, we spent Sunday and Monday of Labor Day weekend at my in-laws lake house. It was blazing hot which made the cooler lake refreshing. There were plenty of cousins on hand and the Labor Day boat parade was just as exciting as aways. Nash isn't much for swimming, but he sure loves a boat ride. I'm pretty sure that kid would ride around the lake for most of the day if we had the patience to do so. Cousin Adam also turned two this weekend and now we're waiting for his baby sister to be born any day. We're also waiting for her name too. :)
Catholic Schoolhouse has been a pain in the neck. Our group was supposed to begin on Tuesday and due to contracts and a very unsupportive pastor at the church where our meetings will be held, things have been postponed. Now I am waiting to get word on the liability insurance I have to get before we can step foot on the premises. This has been the ultimate test of patience. I have no idea when we'll start, maybe Tuesday or maybe the end of the month. Really this postponement has freed me up to deal with things at home so I am trying to let it go and trust in God's timing.
Mark and I joined the 21st century this past week when we got iphones. We hadn't upgraded our phones for 5 years even though we were eligible for "free" phones with our contract. I feel like I've been unchained from our desktop computer since I now get email on my phone. I am so glad I signed off Facebook because it would be all too tempting to check in all.the.time. I told the kids I am not putting any games on it because I don't want to be hen pecked to death with requests to play Minecraft. I hardly ever have to sit down at the computer anymore since I don't do anything but check my email these days. Now if I can only learn how to use the thing, I'd be in great shape.
As you can imagine, between Brooke and Catholic Schoolhouse, I feel like that hamster running on a wheel not making progress of any sort. I know this isn't true, but it has given me ample opportunity to pray like I've never prayed before. I've been so exhausted that I'm usually in bed by 10 PM so I'm well rested to begin again the next day. I am trusting in God's plan and waiting to see how He works this all out for His glory.
Here are a few pictures from the last month...
Until next time...
