Our Real Boy

This past week Nash moved from the army crawl, belly dragging sort of maneuver to crawling up on all fours. When Brooke and Luke saw this they excited exclaimed, "Nash is crawling like a real boy!". He sure is and now he's much faster than he used to be. We had to get yet another gate to block off our currently open office so when we forget that Nash is crawling around we won't find him typing on the keyboard and playing with the cords. I forgot how much trouble mobile babies can get into! In 12 days our Nashy Boy turns one. Say it isn't so!

Dead on My Feet

{This picture was taken last Monday when Luke and Stella fell asleep on the way home from the museum with Mark. To call this situation "once in a blue moon" is the understatment of the century. I thought surely the two of them were either sick or on the verge of death.}

One of my goals for 2012 was to find a doctor that has nothing to do with my uterus. I had a urinary tract infection at the end of last year and sheepishly I called my OB's office because there was no one else to call. Since I'm finished having babies, I figured it's time I move on from the OB. :)

I mentioned that we started taking Brooke (more on her another day) to see Dr. Cole. Besides his holistic approach, I appreciate that he sees all ages of patients and I love that we all can go to the same place now.

While I was scoping out Dr. Cole mostly with Brooke in mind, I found myself on the other end of a consultation for me. I imagined that I would ask him a few general questions much like you do when you're pregnant and trying to find a pediatrician, but the consulation didn't go as I expected. As I filled out the paperwork I put that my primary concern was yeast. I was told that likely I had a yeast overgrowth in my gut. (Everyone has yeast in your gut but it can get out hand and cause problems.) I ended up leaving with a few less hairs because I consented to a hair analysis as well as to a blood test to see what was going on.

Everyone is familiar with blood work, but I've never heard of a hair analysis that checks up on the minerals in your body. I learned that by measuring the levels of sodium, magnesium, potassium, and calcium in the body (and their respective ratios to one another) you can learn a lot about how it's functioning. The results were printed up into a booklet with an explanation of what it all means. The most significant findings were that I am hypoglycemic and that my thyroid and adrenal glands aren't functioning properly. Don't know what adrenal glands are? Find out here.

The hypoglycemia blows my mind, although it probably shouldn't considering that when I used to eat grains my blood sugar would dip so severely I had to eat or I felt death was imminent. It seems that hypoglycemia is rare in people who are non diabetics. A quick Google search explains that certain disorders of the adrenal glands can cause the body not to regulate glucose production as well. It seems that my grain free diet has stabilized this issue and I feel so much better because of it.

I've shared with you previously that I get bio identical hormone pellets put in my backside several times a year. After I had Stella, I had so little energy I could barely pull off the necessary chores in life let alone do anything I enjoy just for fun. After a few rounds of pellets, I felt like I was back up and running, until now. Since Thanksgiving my energy has been in a downward spiral.

Recently when I wake up after 8 hours of sleep, I feel like I've hardly slept at all. Mark will ask me in the morning if I heard one (or all) of the kids crying in the middle of the night and I didn't. When I mean tired, I feel like I'm walking around with a 25 pound sack on my shoulders and it's physically painful at times.

With adrenal problems the body can't produce normal amounts of hormones (not testosterone, but aldosterone, cortisol and cortisone) and a reduced ability to cope with stress. The cause can be nutritional problems, stress (who me? bed rest, moving, 2 surgeries, a new baby, a roommate, home schooling and 4 kids in one year's time) and infections and imbalances in the body.

I am waiting for the results of the stool analysis (Yes, I mailed some crap. Literally.) to see what's happening in my gut. Antibiotics can hugely upset the balance in there and then throw everything else off. I've had huge amounts of antibiotics during my childhood with chronic ear infections and as an adult I've been pumped full more times than I care to remember.

Now that I have all this information I'm working on repairing the damage by getting more rest (okay, I haven't done a really good job of this, but I'm working on it.) and taking supplements. I feel blessed that I've already done the hard work of cleaning up my diet. Dr. Cole said that I'm doing really well in that department and that I'm eating exactly what I should to feel my best. I probably would be in shock right now if I had to figure out what to eat that would make me feel better while I was exhausted.

I said all this to say that blogging isn't a top priority right now. I'm also less likely to pick up my camera to capture the memories of the day. No pictures means no blogging. By my estimation, a blog post is only as good as it's pictures. :) I'll be back when I have more energy and more pictures. Hope you have a good week.

Finally!

After looking at Brooke's dangling front tooth for months (we were talking about it coming out around Thanksgiving!) it had to be taken by force yesterday. You'll once again think I'm the meanest mom ever when I tell you that Mark held her down and I pulled it out. It was so long overdue that her new tooth was growing in behind it. I finally gave her a deadline and told her that if she didn't do it, we would... and we did. :)

I love when kids are missing their top front teeth. They look so darn cute and it's hard to take them seriously when they're mad and lisping a bit. She already has another bottom one that we might have to pull too. If you're wondering why she waited so long, it's the blood. Brooke was afraid it was going to bleed everywhere and she didn't want blood to be in her mouth. Don't worry she didn't need a blood transfusion and she's alive to tell the tale. :)

Our Nashy Boy

If you have kids chances are you've met some old lady in the grocery store that tells you to enjoy your children because they grow up so quickly. At that moment you may be trying to pay while your toddler is single handily clearing out the candy bars on display in the check out line or while your preschooler is melting down in the cereal aisle because you won't buy them the kind they want. No matter the circumstances, we've all been there and maybe at that moment you're counting down the years until they move out of the house. Mark periodically will tell me how many years until we're empty nesters but because I'm so short sided, I can't go there.

I think because Nash has been such an easy, hassle free baby I've either enjoyed him more or possibly with him being our 4th, I'm not so caught up in the details that I'm too busy fretting to enjoy the baby he is in the present time. Now that we're busier than we have ever been, it seems like Nash has grown up in fast forward. On the February 11 he turned 11 months old. Did you hear me? 11 months old, people! He's almost not a baby and that makes me sad.

It seems like every time I turn around he's up to something new. In the last few weeks he's perfected pulling up to standing. We find him standing all around the house now, and the bigger kids are delighted when they discover him pulling up on something new.

After 11 months this kid has finally, finally learned to hold his own bottle. It's been dinner and a show for so long that we could never even imagine a day that Nash would be still and be able to hold his own bottle. He can drink about half before he loses interest and has to be hand fed again. It is extremely helpful in a pinch though.

This picture is not a Photoshop edit gone bad. My poor baby has some skin ailment that won't go away. Over the last several weeks I've tried putting every cream imaginable on it with no success. I think it's a fungus of some sort, but even tea tree oil has not changed it one bit. I finally decided it's time to seek medical attention today when I got Nash up from his nap and it looked liked it could start bleeding at any moment. Before you write me off as the worst mother ever, you should know that it started out as a couple of tiny specs and has evolved into this ghastly flesh wound. We have an appointment for Wednesday morning we'll see if we can get this thing under control.

Luke started calling Nash the "carpet cleaner" because it seems like he's always on the floor scavenging for things to put in his mouth. With 3 messy eaters at our table, it's like Nash is dining at a buffet. :)

We need more child safety locks because he is getting into more and more stuff everyday.

Nash occasionally crawls like a real boy up on his knees, but really he prefers to drag himself along on his belly. None the less, he can get anywhere he wants to go except up the steps which is only a matter of time.

This is our other baby. The kids were messing around on Saturday and Luke climbed into Nash's high chair so Stella wanted to also. Brooke jumped into action and served Stella her lunch in the high chair all the while Stella ate quietly like a baby (because babies can't talk). :) I think maybe this is a good thing we've started.

Our little baby Nashy Boy has started eating some table food. It's a wonderful thing to be able to throw something on his tray to occupy him while the rest of us are eating. Since Cheerios aren't an option, I give him bits of fruit, some grain free baked goods and sometimes a little chicken. Half of it falls into his lap, but it buys me time and silence and that is priceless to me. Next, I'll probably turn around and he'll be feeding himself with a fork. Stop this train, I want to get off!

We Dodged the Bullet

I am probably shooting myself in the foot by saying that we dodged the bullet this winter as far as the weather is concerned. While I appreciate not having to shovel the driveway, the kids have been heartily disappointed. They are so desperate for snow that 2 weekends ago they ran outside to play in the whopping one inch of snow that had fallen overnight. I'm greatly relieved (as are most parents of young children) that we've pass the worst of winter and spring is just around the corner. Here are a few pictures the love of my life took while I was inside staying warm. Hats off to the photographer! :)

Our snow tube has sustained some damage and needs to be inflated about every 15 minutes. Maybe next year we'll have to invest in a new one.

Could Stella's hand me down princess bike be classified as an ATV since she's able to ride it in the snow? Here's hoping that these are the last snow pictures until spring arrives!

Sister Sue and Her Silliness Too

There just aren't enough hours in the day for me to keep up with this blog lately. I apologize for disappointing you, but such is life. Life in our family seems extra trying lately. It's aways chaotic, but the cumulative effect of each child's different issues is overwhelming. In the past it seems like when one kid has been going crazy, the rest were calm. With the exception of Nash (God bless that easy baby!), everyone is giving us fits right now and it's exhausting.

Enter Sister Sue...I'm not sure if it's coincidental or if taking her off dairy has really done the trick, but Stella's speech has really taken off. She has been speaking in longer sentences and it's been really funny to be able to hear her commentary on life in general. However, there are times when I wish we could push the mute button like when she's saying one of her catch phases such as "I tired", "I hungry" or "My knee hurts". The knee thing is leftover from months ago when she limped for a month because of some unknown virus. That issue is long gone, but left in it's place is a ploy for attention when things aren't going her way. FYI, it doesn't work. :)

When Stella says she's tired, I believe her. She falls asleep at rest time maybe once per month and then wakes up at odd times like 4 or 6 AM and then bangs on her door to be let out. (Even though we're not entirely comfortable with keeping her door locked, it's really the safest options when the alternative is her roaming the house while the rest of us are sleeping.) Stella wakes up at 4 AM, changes out of her Pull Up, then falls back asleep, ends up wetting the bed and sleeping in until 9 AM. While I like the sleeping in until 9, I do not like discovering days later that the sheets she's been sleeping on are smelly. Yum.

For several days in a row she's woken up at 6 and then not fallen asleep at rest time either. Sister Sue spends much of her days wandering around crying. When I'm that tired, everything makes me want to cry too. If she were the pacifier kind of kid, I would seriously consider plugging her up with one if it stopped the whining or allowed her to fall asleep in the afternoon. I don't care that she's almost 3.5. :)

Mark cracked me up the other day when he said that Stella needs a new hair do. Yes, that would be nice, but first she needs more hair in order to change the style. Maybe by the time she's five, if Luke doesn't give her another haircut, she'll have enough hair to do something with.

Stella has been doing some funny things lately. She's been rummaging for food and then hiding it in her bed. Luke and Brooke found a bag of apples under her bed, my mom found an old apple core between her bed and the wall, and I found a bath boat full of mini boxes of raisins under her covers. By that account, you would swear we didn't feed her enough, but I assure you she eats plenty. I think she walks around all day asking for food because she's utterly exhausted and looking for something to pep her up. That's not fact, it's just a theory. :)

Right now Stella loves to be read to, cooking up something delicious in her play kitchen, painting, watching movies and playing with Brooke and Luke when they are being "kind". Stella says, "Book and Wuke being kind to me." It's hilarious.

It's just one of those times in our life that if I don't find the humor in the little things, I will cry. I can say that I've been blessed with Mark being home to help diffuse some of the stress and the work load. We make a good team and that's how this ship is still afloat. God knows that if Mark were flying half the month like pilot's typically do, I'd have run away. If I'm not back here within the week don't start thinking I've run away. I'm just cooking or changing Luke's sheets for the 15th time. Praying for strength for my weary soul. :) See ya soon!

Not a Laughing Matter

I feel like these past 6 months I've been through the ringer and back again. I've shared with you some of our struggles with Brooke's behavior which has been by far the biggest contributor to my stress. I've been quite on the subject as of late while we were trying out a few things and seeing where we landed. I'm ready to share now, so buckle your seat belt if you're up for the ride.

I think the turning point for Mark and I had to be when we took all the toys out of Brooke's room except for her books and some art supplies. When we took away her stuff and almost every privilege except for her twice a month American Heritage Girl meetings, I figured we'd see some improvement in Brooke's behavior. We didn't. When I changed her diet, I thought we'd see some improvement then. We didn't. When a friend recommended we treat her for Candida (yeast) I prayed we'd see an improvement. We didn't.

When we were treating Brooke for yeast with natural, homeopathic medicines I realized that because we were operating under the assumption that diet means everything when it comes to health and wellness, we could no longer benefit by going to see our conventional pediatrician who had not a clue what we are even talking about. I am not aiming to offend anyone, we're just on a different journey that centers on the food we eat. If you're not on that same leg of the trip, please know I don't mean any disrespect to you or your choices. God gave us free will and we're all free to exercise it. :) Enter Dr. Cole.

A long time friend who I haven't spoken to in almost a year called before Christmas. I gave her the Cliff's Note version of what's happening with us and I mentioned that I was looking for a holistic doctor. She told me that a friend's wife worked in the office of such a doctor and then called back in a few days to provide a name and phone number. I went to visit him a few weeks later and last week, I took Brooke.

In the meantime, I spoke to my friend Christa about what was going on. She was interested to know what kind of specific things would drive us to seek medical help for Brooke's behavior. I went on to explain a whole host of typical "Brooke" behavior. You've likely seen the picture of when Brooke flipped her mattresses off her bed frame in December, but what I haven't shared are the whole host of behaviors that have been ruling our days and nights. I'm not going to go into too much detail, but I'll tell you it takes Brooke an hour to eat one meal, she can't leave the house without carrying a water bottle, and she can't fall asleep at night without going to the bathroom "one more time" which can total up to 5 or 6 times. In isolation those behaviors seem like phases kids go through. At least that's what I thought.

It wasn't until Christa asked me if I've thought about Brooke having Obsessive Compulsive Disorder that I started to see the problem with my "phase" theory. Everyone jokes about OCD and to some extent everyone has their quirks and obsessions. Christa was so serious she sent me an email later that evening prompting me to do a quick Google search on Obsessive Compulsive Disorder and kids. The first hit blew my mind.

Experts believe OCD is related to levels of a normal "transmitter" chemical in the brain called serotonin. When the proper flow of serotonin is blocked, the brain's "alarm system" overreacts and misinterprets information. Danger messages are mistakenly triggered like "false alarms." Instead of the brain filtering out these unnecessary thoughts, the mind dwells on them — and the person experiences unrealistic fear and doubt.

OCD can make daily life difficult for the kids that it affects and their families. The behaviors often take up a great deal of time and energy, making it more difficult to complete tasks, such as homework or chores, or to enjoy life.

After reading this and then thinking things over I realized that quite a few of the things I did as a kid fit the description as well. Not to mention the many conversations my mom and I have had where she admitted to wondering what she did to me to make me "this way". I cringe when I recalled as a child that I had to give my loved ones a hug and a kiss before they left the house no matter the duration or destination of their outing because I was afraid that if I didn't keep that ritual up something bad would happen. Brooke does the SAME thing and it drives me nuts. I was anxious about silly things and even recall a period of time where I counted while I rinsed the shampoo from my hair. Yes, I'm getting deep and embarrassing. :) I'm throwing that out there because when I put the pieces of my unusual childhood behavior and fears together, I can see that when the website says there is a genetic factor there, I'm it. Gulp.

Evidence is strong that OCD tends to run in families. Many people with OCD have one or more family members who also have it or other anxiety disorders influenced by the brain's serotonin levels. Because of this, scientists have come to believe that the tendency (or predisposition) for someone to develop the neurotransmitter (serotonin) imbalance that causes OCD can be inherited.

What really disturbed me was this...They also may feel pressured because they don't have enough time to do everything. A child might become irritable because he or she feels compelled to stay awake late into the night or miss an activity or outing to complete the compulsive rituals. Kids might have difficulties with attention or concentration because of the intrusive thoughts. This is a good summary of Brooke's world right now. There is never enough time for her to do all that she thinks she needs to do and tantrums result.

To me this was the nail in the coffin...Tantrums, overt signs of worry, and difficult behaviors are common when parents fail to participate in their child's rituals. It is often this behavior, as much as the OCD itself, which brings families into treatment. My mind flashed back all these months when her behavior has gotten more extreme (which the website also states that a traumatic event,like moving and having a new baby, can worsen).

Reading through all this information finally brings me some peace. We've been desperate to relieve the suffering both for Brooke and our family that has accompanied this difficult behavior and to put into words what's been happening in our home. I'm not one who feels compelled to "label" people, but for me a label is extremely helpful in this situation. There is finally something else to be done once we labeled Brooke's behavior.

The conventional treatment is a combination of behavioral therapy and medication, such as selective serotonin re uptake inhibitors (SSRIs), which often can reduce the impulse to perform rituals. The treatment is drugs, people. I've long said that if we took Brooke to a child psychologist that they'd want to medicate her. I'm fine with medication, just not ones manufactured by a pharmaceutical company to make billions of dollars, causing multiple side effects and to mask the symptoms without getting to the root of the cause. That's just not my bag. I want better than a band aid for my family.

So you may wonder what in the world are we going to do? We've fallen so far off our own maps that I sometimes feel I barely resemble the me of 5 to 10 years ago. If it weren't for my witty sense of humor and my obnoxious desire to "fix" the ones I love most, I can honestly say I've changed in ways I wouldn't have imagined. No we aren't doing anything crazy or illegal :), we're attacking this issue from a holistic approach which starts with healing Brooke's brain.

What both conventional and holistic medicine can agree on is that there is something going on in the brain. Our doctor, Dr. Cole is addressing Brooke's brain by trying to repair the damaged "pathways" causing her to have an "overactive alarm system" with amino acids. It's called Neurotransmitter Therapy. You can read more about it here if you wish.

He's also ordered some allergy tests because he says that the circles under her eyes and swollen lymph nodes indicate that she's allergic to something. He thinks this might be aggravating the situation.

Yes, this may sound way out in left field to you, but when we went back for a follow up appointment, Dr. Cole told me to keep the paper I wrote all of Brooke's OCD behaviors on so that I can cross them off when they disappear. With his experience, he's confident that Brooke's brain will heal, freeing her of the anxiety and stress causing her behavior.

It's been a long road to get to this point, but I am hopeful that our family won't have to suffer forever and we will experience healing. With God, we always have hope and for that I am so thankful. Prays of thanksgiving and healing would be tremendously helpful. I'll update you when I have an update.

The Next Big Thing

I was thinking today that when you have one kid you watch their every move anxiously, excitedly anticipating their next big milestone. I recall Mark penciling in on our calendar when we could safely introduce a new kind of baby food to Brooke. Those of you that know him can picture this easily. :) Needless to say, by the time baby #4 comes along, we are surprised when Nash does anything new because we were distracted by the other three and we weren't looking for the signs of things to come. Luke summed up our thoughts exactly when he saw this picture of Nash on the computer, "I didn't know Nash could do that!" Neither, did we. :)

He's now pulling himself up to standing on everything. Chairs, bathtubs, coffee table and the worst, his crib. It won't be long before Nash has bruises all over his head and face. I always hate that because it looks like we beat our babies. I also hate it because for a time Nash will be monkeying around in his bed even more. Before we turn around, he'll be walking and since spring is right around the corner, I say bring it on. Nothing is worse than a baby crawling around on the driveway, well, maybe the dirty airport floor. :)

Ski School

An opportunity to go skiing came our way through Brooke's American Heritage Girl troop and we jumped on it. Another home schooling, AHG mom from Kentucky organized a group and the sign up was open to anyone who wanted to attend. The discount was fabulous so Mark, Brooke, Luke and I all went skiing for $100. We all got an hour long private lesson and everyone except Mark got ski rentals. If you think that's expensive, you've never been skiing. :)

It was close to 60 degrees yesterday which is why Brooke and Luke are skiing in short sleeves. If that just doesn't seem right to you, you're not alone. It turned out to be in our favor and I think it added to the practically perfect day we had. I also forgot to mention that everyone else stayed home too which is how Mark and I got free, private lessons as well which would have cost us $80 on a regular day. Praise God!

I can say that if Brooke can be taught to ski, anyone can learn. From the moment she snapped her boot into the ski and the ski moved, she was screaming. I'm not exaggerating. Talk about a divine appointment, a wonderfully empathetic and patient ski instructor, Jill, was able to get Brooke back in her skis and on the slopes. After an hour, Brooke was going down the bunny hill all by herself and actually enjoying it!

Luke was stoked from the get go. He rode up the "magic carpet" and then just glided on down the hill. Brooke had better technique, but Luke had the guts which is why he rode the ski lift and Brooke didn't.

Mark and I had so much fun too. Mark and I used to ski in high school and have a couple of times since. It's really addictive. Both of us were trying to figure out how we could make this happen again. Brooke and Luke have been asking repeatedly to go back again too. If money weren't an issue, we'd be there in a heartbeat. Well, I suppose as long as my mom was willing to babysit Stella and Nash all day again and again and again... :)

Enjoy the 2 million pictures from our day.

Luke loved watching the machines groom the slopes.

The temperature at 9:30 AM before we started. The thermometer read 70 degrees when we left at 2:30, but that just didn't even seem possible (even though we skied without gloves or coats).

Luke ditched the coat and gloves shortly after I snapped this picture because he was sweating.

He also ditched the ski poles after the ski instructor told him he didn't need them anymore.

The "magic carpet".

Go, me, go! What you can't tell from this picture is that this is the bunny slope. I must have lost all my gumption when I got a mini van for my 30th birthday. :)

Check out all the empty seats on the lift. I'm so glad everyone else thought it would be terrible weather for skiing. No lines= happy campers.

Brooke was really proud of herself after she got over her fear. Mark and I were proud too.

My brave boy.

Luke didn't want to come down by himself after all, but Mark helped him out and all was well. Luke went a second time if that tells you how it went.

A newer addition to the ski park is this terrain park. It's an old run with the new addition of jumps and rails specifically for doing tricks. Mark and I kept saying that our friend, Dave, would have loved this back in high school when he was desperate for some excitement on the slopes. Now he's a doctor and a dad so I'm pretty sure that ship has sailed for him. Sorry, Dave. We're old.

Mark going down "Center Stage" one of the few black diamonds.

The kids and I turned in our equipment at 1:15, but our lift tickets didn't expire until 2 so Mark scarfed down some lunch and struck out on his own.

It was a beautiful day that I hope we can repeat some time in the near future. On the other hand, if we're not going to get snow this winter, I say move over winter and make room for spring! Think warm thoughts. :)