Grace Abounds

This summer could be dubbed the Summer of 2 Hour Tantrums.  Don't get me wrong, we've had some fun times and made some great memories, it's just been tough.  There has been a lot of crying and it's not just been the kids.

 Brooke's tantrums have reached a fever pitch which equates to several hours of tantrums, several days a week.  She literally searches for things to be mad about so she can keep pitching a fit.  It's like living on shifting sand, sand that kicks and screams that is. The details are too ridiculous to repeat and I'm pretty sure I wouldn't do justice to the real live fits she throws.  The crazy thing is that she's missed out on her riding lessons (again!) and she's hardly been to Kings Island at all this summer because of her tantrums. 

Her "best" trick this summer was when she intentionally overflowed the basement sink because she was mad.  Yes, the water spilled down the cabinet, on to the floor and then onto the carpet outside.  It was just lovely. She says the voice in her head says things like this isn't fair, you shouldn't have to..., your mom is mean, etc. It's strange, but it explains a little bit why she can keep going for so long and to some degree why she doesn't think of the consequences she'll have from the choices she's made.  It must be working for her because otherwise I would think she'd get tired of all the consequences of her behavior and make some changes.  Jesus, I trust in you!

No one likes to have a difficult time for sure, but what I am finding is that the Lord is drawing me nearer to him in all this craziness and slowly weeding out all the junk I don't need like Facebook and my list of blogs I would read in my "spare" time.  I don't know what I'm missing anymore and really can focus on the important things.  Here's an excerpt from my daily reading of In Conversations with God that really spoke to me.  It says:

"If you have difficulties, be assured that they are a proof of the fatherly love the Lord has for you. (J. Escriva) These are good moments to look with love upon Christ on the Cross, to understand that from the Cross He is telling us I love you more, from you I expect more.  Perhaps it is a painful illness that disrupt the plans we have made, or a misfortune affecting those whom we love most, or some kind of professional failure. Lord, what have I done to you?, we will ask.  And He will respond in silence that He loves us; that He wants an unlimited acceptance of his divine will; that his logic is different from human reasoning.  Then, when we accept and abandon ourselves, we come to understand, though perhaps later, what a great good are those difficulties.  How thankful will we be then to our Lord!"- J. Tissot

Another day's readings on the topic of faith says:  "...our God does not lose battles.  Walk then, with joy and security in our Lord's name.  Without pessimism!  If difficulties appear, from heaven we will have poured down on us even more of God's grace.  If there are many difficulties, we can count on all the greater access of grace.   Divine assistance is proportional to the obstacles that the world and the devil erect against the apostolic work.  That is why I dare to affirm that difficulties are good, because where they exist we will have more of God's assistance: where the offence has abounded, grace has abounded yet more (Romans 5:20)- A. del Portillo

Mark and I both sought prayer from a prayer team at a nearby Catholic church (different from the one we regularly attend). The prayer was based on the book Unbound: A Practical Guide for Deliverance by Neal Lazano.  It's not a Catholic book, but the "method" used in the book is used by Catholics and Catholic churches also. I realize that sounds very strange, but it was really powerful and amazing.  While Brooke's tantrums didn't lessen, through our prayers, the unmistakable outpouring of grace I've experienced has been most miraculous.  Anyone can read the book and then give it to their pastor, or a faith filled trusted friend to help facilitate the prayers.  I can tell that God is calling our family to something great, I can feel it in my soul. 

So where does this leave us?  We are making a new plan.  In a made for TV moment when I was talking to my bestie, Christa, I was explaining that Brooke has a hard time making a new plan when things don't go as she expected.  She melts.  She tantrums.  Things get ugly.  It was then that I cried out in an "ah, ha" moment that I too am having a hard time making a new plan.  I'm not sure if it was as dramatic on the other end of the phone, but the moment was frozen in time and echoing in my mind, We need a new plan!  Insert sob.

As I've been praying/begging for healing for Brooke and our family, I have also been praying that the Lord's will be done.  Truly without any reservations and it seemed that God was telling us that Brooke needs to give school a try.  Now please don't laugh at me, but this really felt like when Abraham was walking up the mountain with Isaac to sacrifice the very son God promised him.  I wrestled with the idea for at least a week and begged God to show us the way.  On faith, we made an appointment with a Catholic school that is almost in our backyard.  It's a private, Catholic school in the Archdiocese of Cincinnati, but it's not affiliated with any one church.  It's really quite unique. It's small and it turns out it's really, really awesome too.  The affirmation I was searching for was all there down to the fact that they use the same math program we've used at home and they are using the same level that Brooke would be doing at home in just a few weeks!  They are also classical in their educational approach and they focus first on forming the heart, soul, and will in addition to the mind. 

Brooke told me it's hard to be the oldest in family because it's a lot of responsibility.  I feel for her.  She really needs some positive peer pressure and good role models to grow in love, for herself and our family.  I know that God is for this because the peace I have is unbelievable.  Coming from a mom who never thought her kids would ever go to school and the mom who weeks ago was crying out in anguish, I'm having a hard time making a new plan!, I'm flooded with peace over this decision.  In fact, I'm so excited for Brooke because I think she is going to thrive, build some healthy self esteem, and make some precious friends.  God is so good!

Speaking of the Big Man, God has a funny sense of humor when the daughter of the home school group director goes to school!  Luke will stay home with Stella, Nash and I and we will begin healing from these last months of this emotional turmoil we've all been sucked into.  I think it's a win-win situation for all of us and after the tour, Brooke is excited about going to school and "buying a Rainbow Dash lunch box".  That's My Little Ponies if you missed that memo.  :)  We're enrolling her in 3rd grade even though she did 3rd grade school work this past year (and did very well on the standardized test), we just think she could use another year of maturity (and she was born 6 weeks premature and her birthday is past the cutoff anyway) before she's throw out into the big world closer to the end of her educational journey. 

We're trying to make the most of these last 10 days before school starts.  There's so much to do, but we're hoping to spend some peaceful time at the lake this week before the school train gets rolling.  Here are a few pictures of the fun we've had this last month.

 Nashy Boy breaks out of the crib.  Big boy bed it is!  He's locked in his room at nap time and bedtime because he tries to escape.

 It was a sad day when the friends down the street took off for a new adventure in a house not on our street.  :(

 Because Nash is a wanderer, we sometimes find him sleeping in other places than his bed.

 My mom found a creek in our local park and we keep coming back for more mosquito bites and muddy shoes.

 One day when Brooke was having a meltdown, I dropped her off at my parents' house and took the kids to another park in peace and quiet.  Parky's farm is an old favorite from our more carefree days of years past.  It was new to Nash and he really liked it.

 When we first arrived the wind shifted to blow the scent of horse manure our way and Nash kept saying over and over, "ew, yuck!" over and over and over and over again.  It was really funny!

 Milked a goat?  We have!  I was wincing in pain for this poor goat who was about to burst for need of milking.  The once upon a time nursing mom in me was about to shout over the intro, "Could you just put the pour thing out of her misery and milk her already??!!"

 We've been to the lake only a few times this year, but the times we have gone, it's been good times as always.  Luke's behavior has really turned around and since he's the one we would typically have trouble with away from home, it's been a great blessing. I think it's due to the fact that he's actually eating food. He's added strawberries, potatoes, and hot dogs to his list of foods he eats willingly.  Wouldn't it be nice if Mark had a few more arms around his neck?  :)

 I turned 35 last month!  You can't see my wrinkles or my grey hairs, but they are there. I wouldn't go back to the wrinkle free days for anything.

 Since it's rained a ton this summer, the lake is high and our grass is still a lush shade of green.

 You have no idea how incredible it is that Brooke and Luke are big enough to power the kayaks themselves.  That's a huge break for Mark and I.

 Brooke learned to dive this spring and finally gets a chance to practice her skills.  Brooke's been saying this summer she wants to be a farmer and a nun.  She wanted to know if there are nuns that are farmers.  I'll have to look into that.  :)  We were talking about vocations today on the way home from Mass and I told Luke that he could be a priest one day if he wanted to.  He said no because they he couldn't have a "mom".  He meant a wife!  I suppose he feels called to the married life already.  :)

 Our Nashy Boy has been peeing on the potty quite frequently. He pees on command when we sit him on the toilet and he's even pooped.  He's not ready for underwear, but I think he could be ready in the next few months.  He's also talking so much more which is a huge relief!  He says all kinds of phrases now one of my new favorites, "Forse, are you?"  Translation=Horse, where are you?  He says this while driving in the sticks which is really just a stones throw outside our subdivision. Or as we pass Kings Island, he says "Key-eye-yand!"  He throws a fit when we don't head in that direction.  Mark is on Cloud Nine over this development.

I am sad to see the summer go, but I think this school year is going to be fabulous with Catholic Schoolhouse and Brooke in school.  I've been working out all the details of our home school group and we are in the 11th hour now.  Everything is falling into place and the people are awesome. It's going to be a great year!  Blessings to you and yours as you prepare for this time of transition.